116: The Slow Dimming You Stopped Noticing
When waiting for the right time becomes the rest of your life
This is a very, very important conversation I want to have with you.
And as I write this, I am reading my own words slowly. I’m pausing. I’m taking a breath.
Because nobody is immune to this. Not you. Not me.
So please, stay with me. And be very, very honest.
There is a very woo-woo side to the idea of following your dreams. Do what you love. Trust your passion. The universe will meet you halfway.
I understand why that language can trigger skepticism.
It can sound naive. Privileged. Even disconnected from real life, real responsibilities, real bills.
Sometimes it can even sound like something said by people who never had to choose safety over longing.
But following your dreams is not woo-woo.
It’s actually why you are here. We all long for meaning.
We all want to feel useful. We all want to feel that what we do matters. In that sense, your dreams are not a way to escape life. They are information. In fact, very important information.
They show you how you are meant to engage with life.
Moving toward something you love, something meaningful to you, is not about being “happy” in some abstract way.
It does very concrete things to your system.
It regulates your nervous system, reorganizes your brain, it restores vitality at a biological level.
When you orient your life toward what matters, your system receives a very simple message:
I am safe enough to feel alive.
Dopamine, for example. It’s often called the pleasure chemical, and that’s partly true, but dopamine is really about pursuit.
About feeling energized. About movement.
It’s not released when we are comfortable. It’s released when we are oriented toward something that matters.
There are many studies showing that when people feel connected to what they do, when they feel useful and engaged, inflammation goes down, immune function improves, and people live longer.
Humans are not wired only for survival. We are wired for contribution.
We contribute fully when we are doing something meaningful, something we love. Maybe you already know all of this.
And yet… maybe you’ve been postponing your life for years.
Waiting until you feel ready or until you have more clarity.
Waiting until you have more money, more time, more energy.
Waiting for life to get easier first.
These are not character flaws. They are strategies your brain uses to protect you.
Your brain likes what’s familiar. It prefers the known. It will always come up with good reasons to keep things as they are.
And just to be clear, I don’t think the mind is the enemy.
We just don’t usually train it to work in service of what really matters to us.
But here’s where things start getting tricky. Dreams imply uncertainty. They require effort. They ask you to change, even if your life looks “fine” from the outside.
When no action is taken toward them, the brain doesn’t stay neutral.
It adapts.
The discomfort of wanting something and not moving toward it is real. It hurts. So the system looks for relief.
There are two options.
One is action. Small, imperfect, incremental action. This is how behavior changes and how you get where you want to go.
The other option is belief change.
If action feels too risky or unavailable, the brain starts downgrading the dream.
“Maybe I never really wanted that. I’m actually happy where I am. This is enough.”
This is protection.
The brain reduces access to goals that create emotional friction. It lowers the volume on your dreams until safety starts sounding like satisfaction.
And this is where many people get stuck. Because nothing is obviously wrong.
You’re still functioning and doing what needs to be done. You’re still showing up. But something slowly disappears.
Your energy drops. Your days start to feel the same. You don’t really feel connected to your own life anymore.
Your mind can forget your dreams or dismiss them, but not your heart.
There’s an emptiness in the chest that grows very slowly. So slowly that you almost get used to it.
You are still here. But you’re living on autopilot. Reacting instead of creating.
And the body feels that.
Your body is not designed just to survive life. It’s designed to engage with it, to feel love, passion, curiosity, aliveness.
When engagement disappears, sensation dulls. You stop feeling. And you might confuse that numbness with peace.
But peace has energy. Apathy doesn’t.
This essay is arriving in your inbox on Sunday, December 21st. This is the winter solstice. There is less light available. Everything naturally turns inward.
This is a good moment to reflect.
Not to write beautiful pages about what you want for yourself and your family… that too… but to be honest.
Brutally honest.
Where are you postponing your life? All of your “Yes…but” statements
Where do you keep telling yourself, “not now”?
What excuses do you repeat, not because they’re true, but because they feel safer?
There is no perfect time coming.
Life will not stop and say, “Okay, now everything is perfect. Now you can finally start.”
Your brain, when disconnected from your heart, will not serve your soul. It will only preserve your false sense of safety and keep you where you are. But the moment you reconnect with what matters to you, and you start training your mind to serve that, something changes.
Fear decreases. Capacity increases. Creativity expands.
New neural pathways form. The brain updates what it predicts as safe.
The brain becomes incredibly smart when it works aligned with your values.
The cost of not choosing what matters is not just regret.
It’s a slow dimming of aliveness. So gradual you stop noticing it.
If nothing changes, life just keeps repeating itself.
But if something in you knows there’s more for you… pause. Be honest. Start now.
And don’t do it alone.
Being around people who are moving, even imperfectly, helps your nervous system expand its sense of safety.
You see what’s possible, and your brain starts believing in life again.
As the saying goes, don’t live the same year seventy-five times and call it a life.
Life is meant to be an awesome and fun adventure… and you know that.
With love,
Carolina
Ask Me a Question (answered live, anonymously)
I’m experimenting with something new… and a little outside my comfort zone.
If there’s a question alive for you right now… about business, clarity, confidence, purpose, visibility, or how to move from where you are to what’s next, you can reply directly to this email and ask it.
I’ll go live on Substack (within 7 days) and answer your questions on video… not rehearsed, not polished, just present. :)
Questions will be shared anonymously, and I’ll send the recording by email to you afterward.
This is less about having the perfect answer and more about thinking and feeling together, out loud.
Just reply to this email with your question.. help me out! Btw… you can give a little context so I can understand where your question is coming from for a more helpful answer…
Happenings
Getting ready for 2026.
Let’s not recreate 2025 with slightly different energy.
Let 2026 be the year you are actually proud of yourself.
Let it be the year you choose to love more.
And to create a strong structure and system to support your business… so your business can truly support your lifestyle.
This doesn’t happen by accident.
Having a business that excites you is not only about doing what you love.
It’s about creating the right systems and structures that serve your creative process, respect your rhythm, and keep you energized and moving forward.
Often, it’s not about making huge shifts. It’s about organization.
About clarity.
About looking at things from a different perspective.
The Sacred Planning Ritual Challenge was created for exactly this.
It’s a planning system that feels good.
One that keeps you present, regulated, and energized to take the next step… while staying connected to your big vision as a north star.
There is no such thing as a vision that’s too big. There is only a lack of focus.
When you pay attention to whether what you’re doing now is serving your bigger purpose, everything changes.
But for that, you need a structure that moves you forward… not in circles.
If this speaks to you, click here to join the waitlist.
Here is what I want to share this week …
Dr. Jade Teta – “The Hurt Person Who Helps People”
Great piece by Dr. Jade Teta called “The Hurt Person Who Helps People,”
The idea that most of us aren’t stuck because we lack discipline, but because our nervous system is still loyal to an old identity built when we were younger and just trying to survive, mirrors so much of what I’m pointing to here.
When we don’t move toward what matters, we don’t just pause our dreams — we reinforce an old version of ourselves that feels safer than aliveness.
And over time, that version starts feeling permanent.
If this topic speaks to you, it’s a really great read.
Audrey Gidman - “A non-exhaustive list of writing (and art) residencies in the so-called US.
I also want to share a very practical piece by Audrey Gidman entitled “A non-exhaustive list of writing (and art) residencies in the so-called US.”
This essay is a great resource. A list of places that offer space, quiet, structure, and support for people who need to step out of their everyday environment for a while.
Reading it reminded me that sometimes change doesn’t come from trying harder, but from placing ourselves somewhere different. Different rhythms, different surroundings, different inputs. Environments that give the nervous system a chance to reset and make movement possible again.
Sometimes all you need is to step outside your life to get a new perspective.
When Your Triggers Become the Path: Why I’m Sharing This Conversation Again
I’m sharing this conversation with Dr. Kelly Flanagan again because it was a powerful one, and it continues to resonate deeply with the work we do here.
Kelly has a rare way of speaking from inside his own process…not as someone who has everything figured out, but as someone willing to stay with what’s unfolding.
The way he relates to triggers, resistance, and open-heartedness in business is deeply human, practical, and inspiring. If you’re building something meaningful and find yourself stuck, triggered, or hesitating, this conversation is full of gold and absolutely worth listening to in full.
Substack Lessons Learned in 2025
Phil and I were honored to be featured in the Write • Build • Scale team’s end of year wrap up post where they asked 19 Substack creators one simple question:
What’s one thing you’ll do differently on Substack in 2026?
This collection of answers is honest, practical, and full of insights you can use to make 2026 your best year yet.
Thanks Jari Roomer, Sinem Günel, and Philip Hofmacher for the invitation to participate, and for all the wonderful collaboration opportunities we’ve had with you this past year!
P.S. You can read all previous editions of the newsletter here, and you can upgrade your subscription here.
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Take the Harmony Map Assessment (Free): Find out which pattern is blocking your clarity, visibility, or ability to get the right clients. 8 minutes. You’ll see exactly what’s been in the way, and why strategy alone hasn’t fixed it.
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I needed to read this today. Thank you!
Hi Carolina. Great read. And thank you for including me ;-)