086: What Happened When I Spent a Weekend with Men I'd Been Avoiding My Whole Life

How a fitness retreat taught me that our deepest growth comes from connecting with people who challenge us most

I'd been avoiding them for nearly three decades. The athletes. The former football players and coaches. The guys who looked like the ones who pinned me against bathroom walls in middle school, calling me names while my stomach twisted with fear and shame.

Now, at 43, I was staring at a WhatsApp message from a stranger, my stomach churning with more than just pre-travel nerves. "Coffee before the retreat?" it read. Simple enough. Except this wasn't just any gathering—it was a weekend with 15 men I'd never met, most of them former athletes, about to put my body through challenges I wasn't sure I could handle.

Here's the thing: At 43, I'd spent the last year and a half rebuilding my relationship with strength. After a decade of chronic illness that left me too weak to do a single push-up, I'd slowly clawed my way back through yoga, then weight training. But in my mind, I was still that band geek getting shoved against bathroom walls by the jocks in middle school.

Maybe you have your own version of this—that group of people who represent something you fear, judge, or assume you'll never belong with. The confident extroverts. The tech-savvy entrepreneurs. The spiritual seekers who seem to have it all figured out. The athletes who make strength look easy.

What I discovered that weekend wasn't just physical capability. It was something far more profound about the walls we build between "us" and "them"—and what becomes possible when we're willing to walk directly into our discomfort.

The first challenge hit the beach at sunset. We were divided into teams for circuits: bear crawls, push-ups, planks in the blistering sun. As sweat poured down my face, something unexpected happened. I wasn't just keeping up—I was excelling in areas where others struggled. The former college football player next to me was breathing as hard as I was.

In that moment, three decades of careful avoidance began to dissolve. These weren't 'them' and 'us' anymore—we were just humans, struggling together. The high fives. The "Come on, you've got this!" The genuine connection that emerges when you're all exposed to the same vulnerability.

Beyond the physical challenges, these men—many holding political and religious views opposite to mine—created space for something extraordinary. Most of them were some aspect of evangelical Christianity. In other words, they embodied everything I'd learned to keep at arm's length—not just physically, but ideologically. These were exactly the kind of men I'd spent 30 years carefully avoiding.

But when we moved from fitness challenges into deeper sharing about our relationships, our work, our fears and desires, something shifted. By the end of that weekend, several of these men became brothers. Not because we agreed on everything, but because we showed up fully to something bigger than our differences.

This is what happens when you lean into the edges of your comfort zone. Not just physically, but with people, beliefs, perspectives that challenge your worldview.

Your version might not involve bear crawls on a beach. Maybe it's finally attending that industry conference where you feel like an imposter. Perhaps it's joining a mastermind where everyone seems more successful. Or speaking up in a meeting where your ideas feel too different.

Ask yourself: Who have you been avoiding? Not consciously, but subtly, systematically, for years. What groups feel too foreign, too different, too threatening to your sense of identity?

But here's what I've learned: The people who trigger your deepest resistance often carry your greatest opportunities for growth. They're mirrors, showing you the aspects of yourself you haven't fully integrated or accepted.

For me, connecting with these "athlete" archetypes healed something from my 14-year-old self. For you, it might be facing the entrepreneurs who embody the confidence you're still building. Or the creative professionals who express themselves with a freedom you're learning to claim.

The beautiful irony? The most profound business and life transformations I've witnessed—in myself and with our Sacred Growth Club members—happen when people stop trying to find their tribe and start expanding their capacity to connect with unexpected allies.

Sacred Business isn't just about building something profitable and purposeful. It's about recognizing that our greatest growth edges often show up disguised as the very people or experiences we've been avoiding.

So here's my invitation: What's one group, person, or experience you've been unconsciously avoiding? Not because it's dangerous, but because it represents something you're not ready to face about yourself?

Maybe it's time to write that email. Attend that event. Have that difficult conversation. Join that community you've been observing from afar.

Because on the other side of your resistance lies a version of yourself you haven't met yet. A version that's more connected, more capable, more alive than the one playing it safe.

The question isn't whether you're ready. The question is: Are you willing to be surprised by your own capacity?

In Sacred Business, we talk about everything being connected. This weekend reminded me what that really means: Our greatest fears and our deepest possibilities are often the same thing, wearing different costumes.

The people you think aren't your people might just be the ones holding the keys to your next level of freedom.

What edge are you ready to lean into? Share in the comments—I'd love to witness your journey.

With appreciation for the courage it takes to grow,

Phil

P.S. If you're feeling called to create your own container for growth alongside others who understand the path of Sacred Business, we’ll be re-opening Sacred Growth Club for enrollment in mid July. Sometimes the most powerful transformations happen in community. Join the wait list.

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Happenings

Sacred Business Network: Vitality Workshop with Brian Pruett

Sometimes the people who help you transform physically carry wisdom that extends far beyond the gym.

For over a year, Brian Pruett has been my fitness coach through the Ladder app—guiding my journey from a body weakened by chronic illness to one capable of keeping up with former Navy SEALs on obstacle courses.

But fitness was just the beginning.

On May 15th at Noon Eastern, Brian joins us to share his approach to one of the biggest challenges facing entrepreneurs today: showing up authentically in an increasingly noisy digital world.

With nearly 800,000 followers and a community of 15,000+ active members in Team Vitality, Brian has mastered something rare—maintaining genuine connection while building massive reach. His journey from college athlete to spiritual entrepreneur who left corporate security to answer his calling gives him a unique perspective on visibility.

In our member-exclusive workshop, Brian will explore:

• How to maintain your energetic integrity while growing your online presence

• Why "people's opinions cannot make or break you"—and the daily practices that make this truth real

• The spiritual foundation behind sustainable visibility

• Real strategies for handling criticism without losing your center

What impresses me most about Brian isn't just his reach—it's how he's maintained his heart and authenticity while building at scale. Now he's bringing that wisdom to our Sacred Business community.

Join the Sacred Business Network and receive your invitation to this live workshop. When someone who's walked this path shares their insights, it's worth showing up.

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Here is what I want to share this week …

Why You Should Join This Special Substack Masterclass with Write Build Scale

A few months ago, I found myself in an unfamiliar position. Despite years of experience helping other entrepreneurs grow their businesses, I was essentially starting from scratch on Substack. That feeling of being the beginner again? It's humbling—and exactly where some of our biggest growth opportunities hide.

That's when I reached out to Landon Poburan for advice based on an article he had written. His simple recommendation to connect with Philip, Sinem, and Jari from Write Build Scale became one of those pivot points that changes everything. Not just because of the strategies they shared, but because of how they showed up—generous with their knowledge, enthusiastic about helping others succeed, and genuinely invested in building community rather than hoarding secrets.

Their approach to growth mirrors everything we teach at Sacred Business Flow: authentic connection, sustainable systems, and the recognition that everything is connected. When they grow, their community grows. When their community grows, we all benefit.

As I shared earlier, I spent a weekend pushing my physical limits at a fitness retreat, learning that my greatest growth often comes from connecting with people who challenge me. That same principle applies here. If you've been watching from the sidelines, wondering how to build real engagement on Substack without compromising your authentic voice, this masterclass with the Write Build Scale team is your invitation to lean into learning from people who've actually done it.

They've built a 10,000+ subscriber publication in under a year. More importantly, they've done it while maintaining the values-driven approach that matters to conscious entrepreneurs like us. They're not just talking theory—they're sharing real strategies that work.

This isn't about quick hacks or empty promises. It's about learning from creators who understand that sustainable growth happens through genuine connection, strategic action, and community support.

If you've been thinking about joining, this is your moment. Sometimes the most powerful transformations happen when we show up to learn from people who've walked the path we're ready to walk.

Reserve your seat for the free masterclass

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Who We Are Celebrating

Jara Dekker

We're thrilled to welcome Jara Dekker to the Sacred Business Network this week—though our connection goes back years to a transformative retreat in 2017 that became a pivot point in my own journey. Jara brings a unique perspective as an emotional resilience coach and strategist, having spent eight years as a global nomad before recently beginning to put down roots.

What struck me most in Jara's definition of Sacred Business:

"any soul contract work that we came here to do, that's being exercised in integrity."

This beautifully captures the essence of what we're building here—businesses that honor both our spiritual calling and our practical needs.

As an emotional strategist, Jara specializes in helping people break through internal glass ceilings—whether they stem from intense negative experiences, emotional blocks, stuck identities, or limiting beliefs. Her work is about helping people become "the version of themselves that they came here to be without internal limitations."

You can connect with Jara on Substack where she shares her wisdom, or explore her work through her website. Her approach to emotional strategy offers valuable insights for anyone working to align their business with their soul's true calling.

Welcome to the Sacred Business family, Jara. We're grateful for your presence and excited to witness the connections that emerge as you engage with this community of conscious creators.

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Memorable Quote

“Becoming everything you were made to be isn't a one time event - it's a daily decision. You get to make a choice every single day whether you grow or settle. You were made for more. So keep becoming who you were made to be” - Brian Pruett

What’s next?

Carolina and I are ready to support you in creating a business that aligns with your heart's calling. Here's how we can help:

1. Discover Your Sacred Business Alignment (Free): Take the Harmony Map Assessment and read our Sacred Business Manifesto to understand where you are on your path and how to move forward with clarity and confidence. Perfect for entrepreneurs wanting to understand how everything in their business connects.

2. Read the Sacred Business Manifesto (Free): Learn the core principles of building a Sacred Business through our founding story and framework. See how we transformed our approach to business by understanding that everything is connected.

3. Sacred Business Network: Connect with heart-centered entrepreneurs who understand that success comes from alignment. Monthly connection circles, community workshops, and ongoing support through our private community space. Get the encouragement and collaboration you need to grow.

4. Join Our Next Implementation Challenges: Action-focused programs like the Sacred Business Planning Rituals Challenge and Substack Growth Challenge help you create real momentum in specific areas of your business. Free for Club members, discounted for Network members. Be sure you are subscribed to be notified when the next one is offered live.

5. Sacred Growth Club: A complete support system with weekly embodiment classes, live coaching calls, writing circles, and expert workshops. Designed for entrepreneurs ready to build sustainable success through proven practices while staying connected to their purpose. Includes full access to the Network and all challenges.

6. Be The Flow Coaching (1:1): Personal guidance combining strategic business planning with energy alignment work. Weekly coaching sessions plus full access to Sacred Growth Club benefits. Ideal for entrepreneurs seeking deep transformation and sustainable growth in their business.

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Table of Contents: Your Complete Guide To The Sacred Business Ecosystem

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