101: Stop Apologizing for Your Anger (It's Trying to Save You)
What happens when you finally listen to the emotion that shows you exactly where you've been abandoning yourself—and your business
Oh anger! If only I could express my gratitude to you.
I did not know how to handle you.
I was taught it was wrong to feel this way.
I was told that feeling you is less than spiritual, that I should not feel anger, nor should I express it..
But oh boy, you showed me so much truth.
By feeling you, I could finally see where I wasn’t honoring myself.
Through feeling you, I could see with clarity where I was resisting my own light, where I was playing by other people’s rules.
I am thankful and grateful to allow myself to feel you in the ways I now know I can.
You invite fire, you invite transformation, you invite change of direction, and you invite quick action.
When the action is only a reaction, I learned it was not helpful for me.
But when I allowed myself to feel you fully, the quick action became a true response — one I had known for years but never had the courage to take, until you showed me so clearly how sacred you are.
Thank you, anger, for being a teacher.
When I felt you, when I listened to you, you showed me where I had abandoned myself.
And now, as I learn to honor myself and listen to my truth along my path, you don’t need to burn so fiercely.
Your gift is not only in your fire, but in the space you create when I no longer need you to shout.
During the retreat we participated in a few weeks ago, anger was a recurrent topic.
We saw people who expressed it so outwardly that they would hurt others, and on the other extreme, people who never expressed it and weren’t even aware of what the feeling was.
In my own experience, it brought me a lot of self-reflection, and also clarity on how I help people deal with this powerful and fiery feeling.
Anger exists, right? Most of us have felt it or still feel it.
So how can it not be sacred?
By suppressing my own anger and not fully feeling it, I could see how much I allowed myself to be disrespected — not because others were doing something bad to me, but because I had lost my own sense of how I wanted to be treated, and what I needed for healthy boundaries.
Anger is a primary emotion, hard-wired into the nervous system as part of our survival. Its deep root is the perception of threat or violation — physical, emotional, or moral.
Anger is information.
It taps into the body’s most ancient way of mobilizing energy and calling for help or defense.
If anger is presenting itself to you, there is a sense of defense activated.
Something has been violated.
If we suppress anger, we miss the message. The problem is not the anger itself — it’s not knowing how to create space to feel it.
It’s considered immoral, it’s socially unacceptable.
In my experience, punching a pillow was helpful, but screaming out loud was how I found real relief.
I learned recently that there is something in the sound we make when we scream anger that touches every cell of our body, allowing that emotion to be felt and processed.
Notice that I am not talking about screaming at people.
They are just the projection of what’s happening within.
We think we are angry at them because they did something, but the reality is, we are angry at ourselves for allowing our own essence to be violated.
Anger at a partner, anger with your boss, with your co-workers, anger because you feel someone else owns your time, anger because you feel stuck because someone didn’t do what they were supposed to do, anger at how you grew your business and how you feel like a victim of your own creation.
Anger as the fire that reveals misalignment in your business model — underpricing, wrong clients, self-betrayal.
At its root, anger is the body-soul’s way of saying: “Come back into alignment. Something sacred is being trespassed.”
Anger gives us a sense of righteousness that is easier to feel than fear, hurt, shame, guilt, or even incapacity. Often, anger arises to cover vulnerability.
So next time you feel anger arising, feel it.
If you are with someone, maybe excuse yourself and say, “I need to scream, and it’s not at you.”
Find a space where you feel safe, and let it out.
Let it be processed.
Let it exist.
And after being processed, ask the question: Where am I disrespecting something that is truly important to me? Where am I not honoring myself and only seeing that through others? Or even: Where in your business or life do you suppress anger, and how does it drain your vitality?
There is nothing wrong with anger.
It needs expression, but not directionless destruction. If we give it a safe channel, it becomes clean fire instead of wildfire. And fire is so transformative.
Maybe you do need to feel angry — angry because you keep creating excuses and not doing what you know you should be doing. Maybe you should give space to that fire within to finally say yes to your soul that is screaming to you.
I believe we all repress or suppress anger in different ways. Notice that if you are suppressing, it’s conscious. You consciously hold it back because it feels inappropriate, dangerous, or “not spiritual,” based on an opinion you have about it.
An example could be: you feel angry when people don’t value your work, asking for discounts or free advice. Instead of expressing that boundary clearly, you suppress it, smile politely, and agree. Inside, you feel drained, undervalued, and lose joy in your business.
That leads to passive-aggressive behavior (sarcasm, withdrawal, silent treatment), building resentment that leaks out later in unrelated conflicts, and physical symptoms like tension headaches, stomach pain, tight shoulders.
Or maybe it is unconscious and you are repressing it.
The anger is pushed so deeply into the unconscious that you no longer recognize it as anger. It gets buried. Someone repeatedly disrespects you, but instead of feeling the boundary violation, you collapse into sadness or self-blame.
This leads to loss of vitality, depression, and chronic fatigue can lead to self-sabotage — turning anger inward as guilt or shame, illness or auto-immune conditions linked to long-term stress, and difficulty setting boundaries, staying stuck in unhealthy relationships or jobs.
Both rob anger of its gift.
Instead of becoming fuel for truth and action, it either corrodes relationships silently (suppression) or corrodes the self (repression).
Notice all the physical harms we do to ourselves by not feeling it.
But anger is not violence.
Suppressed anger could lead to violence, yes, but the problem was never the feeling — it was our inability to be present to it, with ourselves and with others, creating a safe space for it to exist.
Let’s all stop that, and create space for anger.
I dare to say that if we could all honor this feeling — and more than that, take the actions it is inviting and receive the message it is teaching us — we probably wouldn’t see so much violence in the world.
And if I can say this, feeling anger and frustration were an important part of my process of clarifying my sacred business.
Anger, when honored, becomes the sacred fire that keeps us aligned, clear, and true.
If you dare to feel it, it may just give you back the business — and the life — that is truly yours.
With love,
Carolina
Here is what I want to share this week …
A Gentle Dose of Self-Love
What I want to share is a dose of self-love today, especially around this topic of anger. If there is anything tied to shame, guilt, or even regret — if you are not proud of the reactions this emotion led you to have in the past — it’s time for self-forgiveness.
I know it’s not easy. I know sometimes we cling to blaming ourselves for something we feel bad about, for what we did in the past. But this only hurts you more and holds back a huge amount of creative energy.
Maybe it’s time for you to forgive yourself, and forgive others. You did what you could. Maybe you didn’t know how to express yourself. Maybe you’ve been holding on for so long that the explosion was big, and yes, maybe you did hurt others. But holding on to these feelings won’t heal you, and it won’t help the other person either.
Maybe write a love letter to your anger. Maybe, for the first time, allow yourself to feel it fully and listen to what it is saying to you. And then — be very gentle and kind with yourself. Take a nice shower, maybe with some geranium or ylang ylang essential oil. Feel love for yourself, just as you would for a dear friend or your kids, even when they’ve done something they weren’t proud of.
Then write a love letter to yourself. Be clear: I don’t want to hold on to anger in my body. At some point we need to choose: do I want to hold on to this — letting it slowly kill me, making me sick — or do I choose to release it and feel love toward myself?
I hope you choose love and forgiveness
Only 3 Spots Left to Transform Your Business in 2025
Can you believe we're already heading into the final quarter of 2025?
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yes, it's important that we can honor anger as a sacred messenger instead of something to hide. so often we’ve been taught to quiet our anger when it’s really guiding us back to our truth. anger can be an act of fierce compassion, helping us reclaim clarity, boundaries, and love.
Needed to read these words today, Carolina. Thank you 🙏