128: The Art of Delaying Joy

why self-abandonment feels like the right thing to do

Mar 29, 2026

Every time you decide to start something new, especially something that has been living in your heart for a while, something happens outside your control that makes you stop.

You might even notice the obstacles get bigger each time.

It could be a big project that takes up all your time, a move, a new relationship, the end of a long one. It has infinite ways to show up, but only one outcome.

You delay, once again, something that matters to you.

And for a while it starts to make sense to let it go.

Why bother?

It seems a little crazy anyway. What would people think if you actually shared it?

So you let it go.

But it doesn’t let you go.

It fades for a season, while you recover, while you grieve, while you integrate the new thing or finish the move. And then it comes back. Quiet but strong.

You almost feel upset that it won’t leave you alone. What was quiet starts getting louder. After a few months you decide you’ll try again, and then something important, tragic, unexpected, new happens again.

You let it go again.

Every time you do, it feels like the right thing. Responsible. Mature. Necessary. That’s what makes it so hard to see.

Self-abandonment doesn’t feel like giving up on yourself. It feels like showing up for everything else.

You question why the desire keeps coming back. You make it wrong. You wish you could forget about it. You question that quiet voice so many times that you never once stop to question the nature of the obstacle itself.

The obstacle isn’t wrong. It happened. And yet you never pause to ask what your participation was in creating it.

And this is what most people miss: some people use an obstacle as a reason to stop. Others use it as a reason to keep going.

That single interior choice determines whether you will ever actually experience the joy you’ve been postponing, or whether you’ll spend your life coasting, never really meeting your own light.

Choosing to stop doesn’t make you more compassionate.

It doesn’t make you more available to the people you love. You can hold everything life is asking of you and still not put yourself down. Those two things were never in competition. The belief that they are is the story that keeps the lukewarm life intact.

Lukewarm is a temperature we choose.

Not because we’re weak, but because we’ve learned it’s the only way to never really fail. If life kept interrupting, the dream is still pure. Still possible. Still out there. And so is the version of you who would have done it.

But you’re reading this because you’re done with that story.

You’re not confused about what you want. You’ve known for years.

You’re tired of it feeling noble to leave yourself behind.

You’re tired of the delay feeling like the responsible choice.

So this is where the delaying ends.

Every obstacle that shows up from here is not evidence that you should stop. It is life helping you become the person who can hold what you’ve been carrying in your heart.

Start now. Or keep going if you already did.

That’s enough.

With love,

Carolina

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Happenings

Radiant Flow

This week we had our very first week of Radiant Flow, and I am celebrating every single person who said yes to themselves.

Who decided they were done postponing what matters. Who chose to work at the level of the body — to break old patterns, unlock their power, and expand their capacity to move toward a life that feels alive. Toward service. Toward love.

So many people love knowing. Studying. Accumulating knowledge. Giving beautiful speeches about profound things. And when it comes to actually bringing any of it to life, nothing moves. It stays an idea they entertain in their heads.

That is not what this is. And it is not who these people are.

Being surrounded by people who are truly ready to transform, to act, to live fully — that is one of the greatest gifts life has given me. I could not be more grateful.