145: I hadn't spent a single minute with God all day
I caught it standing in the shower at 7pm. I tried to keep the shame out of it.
Last Saturday morning, on a farm in Jambeiro, I turned on a voice recorder and started talking to myself about the business.
What came out was anger.
Carolina and I had booked five days out there to be with nature on purpose. We wanted to look at our own foundation. See what was being asked of us next. We were in a one-room cottage with a dirt road running down to the gate, with a handful of horses and cows grazing just past the window. First real quiet in nature I’d had since moving to Rio.
I’d been up a couple of hours already, studying. I’ve been working through Jayem’s Way of Mastery for about a year. Most mornings it’s where I start, and it helps me stay grounded.
That morning it did the opposite, and by a little after 6am, sun coming up, I had a lot I needed to get off my chest.
I started ranting about how our marketing sounds like every other spiritual business coach out there. About how I’ve been holding back what I actually believe, trying not to offend anyone. I’ve tried saying it differently. Softening the language. Finding the angle that doesn’t put anyone off.
About how three years in, I still can’t shake the feeling that what we’re here for is bigger than helping someone grow a spiritual business. I think more than that, we're here to show that business can be a pathway of healing. Not just a pathway to success. A pathway back to the heart. And with that feeling, a familiar itchy discomfort in my body. The fire rising in my chest when I can’t bring a tension to resolution.
The next morning I woke up at three. Like someone had thrown a switch.
Carolina was still fast asleep. I carried a candle to the far side of the room and sat down with it, so as not to wake her. That day I was on lesson six. The four keys of the kingdom. Desire, intention, allowance, surrender.
And for just a few precious minutes, the veil went up.
I don’t have better words for it than that. It didn’t last long. It felt like union. Its an experience I’ve had before and the thing I still find myself reaching for, hoping it will stabilize in my day to day reality.
Only one day had passed between those two mornings. Nothing too out of the ordinary about either of them. Same room, same candle, same book, same horses standing outside in the dark. But something had shifted underneath.
We built the Harmony Map years ago. I took it many times while we were testing it and I honestly can’t remember what my first result was.
But interestingly enough, since we have been looking at our own foundation during our time on this work retreat, Carolina had suggested we both take it again. See where our breakthrough lives.
And so I took mine this morning, right before I started writing this.
Love and Bliss were my two lowest.
Here’s what Love looks like when it’s out of balance, straight from our own definitions:
Pulling back when it's time to be seen. Keeping your story to yourself. Being your own harshest critic.
That’s me. Saturday morning. 6:44am. Furious that my marketing sounds like everyone else’s.
Love and Bliss sit directly next to each other on the map. They both belong to your relationship with the divine.So the marketing wasn’t the problem. My relationship with God was.
The map knew. I just hadn’t looked in a while.
Your lowest frequency is your breakthrough frequency. That’s not new. It’s what the map has been sharing with people who take it from the beginning. Saturday morning I was on the floor about hiding. That’s Love out of balance, almost to a T. Sunday morning the veil went up. Make of that what you will. That’s just the order it happened in.
A lot of teachers will tell you that you already have everything you need. You’ve already arrived. Theres nowhere to go, nothing to do. I believe them. And I still experience lack from time to time. For a long time I took that as evidence I was failing spiritually. There’s a shame that comes with that. It’s subtle but it’s there.
The map asks a smaller question. Where are you this week in your relationship with yourself, business, and the divine? And whatever comes back lowest is a hint at where you might benefit from doing some work.
Yesterday morning I got up and went straight into sales and marketing training. Carolina and I are considering implementing a model that we believe will allow us to serve in a whole new way. Around 7pm that night I found myself standing in the shower and it came to me that I hadn’t spent a single minute with God all day.
That’s Bliss out of balance. Busy building the thing, and losing touch with the intentions underneath.
I closed my eyes under the water, took a deep breath, and prayed.
I’m here now.
I tried to keep shame out of it and give myself some credit for catching my state of disconnection at all.
The horses are still out there. The candle’s still burning. I think maybe that’s enough for now.
I’m sharing this story because the map gave a shape to something I wasn’t fully seeing in myself. And it might do the same for you.
If you want to see yours, the Harmony Map is here. Takes just a few minutes. Free. What comes back is simple. Your lowest frequency. And what it looks like when it’s running the show.
The result is yours. So is what comes next.
Phil (& Carolina)
Who We Are Celebrating This Week: Dr Sam Illingworth
Slow AI is #1 in Generative AI on Amazon!
Congratulations Sam. You continue to inspire us with everything you put out.
The man who wrote Getting Things Done on why control is the biggest human addiction.
the part I don't often read out there
The day was so hot I could feel the sweat gathering on my forehead. A clear blue sky, the desert sand reflecting the light made my face squint. I had gone off from the group to find a bathroom, and I was walking back alone, fast, trying to catch up. Most of them were already close to the temple entrance.
Flush bank account, empty tank
Service as it relates to business, generally gets talked about as something that you offer outward to the world.
Memorable Quote
"The older I get, the less impressed I become with originality. These days, I'm far more moved by authenticity. Attempts at originality can often feel forced and precious, but authenticity has quiet resonance that never fails to stir me." - Elizabeth Gilbert, Big Magic
This essay was originally published on sacredbusiness.com on July 31st, 2026. You can find the canonical version, along with related essays on sacred business and nervous system work, there.