A Clear Look at My Relationship With Alcohol

Why this moment feels like the right time to check in with myself again.

My relationship with alcohol has never blown up my life, but it has always been a question I carry. Not a crisis. More like a quiet thought in the back of my mind. I have gone through long stretches without drinking and stretches where it felt baked into my routine. Under all of it is the same curiosity: Who is actually steering, and what might shift if I took a closer look?

In my twenties, when I was in the music industry, drinking came with the territory. I spent my days at the office and most nights at the Exit/In or Mercy Lounge in Nashville until two or three in the morning, slipping behind the bar, handing out drinks to friends, moving through backstage doors like I belonged there. It felt fun. It also pulled me into situations I never imagined myself in. That world blurs fast.

I found myself experimenting with Oxycontin for a brief stretch, back before most of us knew how dangerous it was. The turning point came at a house party. I walked into a side room to check on someone and saw a guy I knew on a messy bed, arm tied off, sweating hard, melting down a pill to inject. The music was blasting, but that image cut through everything. I felt disgust at what I saw and at myself for standing there. Then fear. A clear sentence ran through my mind: If I keep going like this, I am going to end up dead. I do not claim I made every perfect choice afterward, but I never touched another pill. And I left that environment soon after.

A few years later in Boston, my life looked different, but alcohol was still steady. Early mornings at the office, full workdays, and then happy hour with coworkers since most of us rode the T. It barely registered as drinking since it was simply what everyone did. I would go through phases. Enjoy it for a while. Then stop when I wanted a clearer head.

When I found meditation and yoga, I stopped drinking for years. Looking back, part of that was genuine interest, and part of it was feeling above the habits I did not want to examine. Eventually I loosened my grip again.

Around the time I started my first business, stress hit hard. I landed in the ER multiple times thinking something was wrong with my heart. During one visit, my arm went fully numb with pins and needles shooting through it. I remember sitting there thinking, What is happening to me? Alcohol had been involved at least once during that season. My health slid in other ways too with autoimmune issues and strange symptoms. Doctors eventually found a golf ball sized tumor in my neck.

That was the line in the sand. I cleaned things up, changed how I ate, and entered a long season without alcohol. I stayed in that choice for about four years. My thinking got sharper. I let go of the business that never felt like mine. I followed the path that eventually became Sacred Business Flow.

After the surgery that removed the tumor, I felt like I had another shot at life. Part of that meant wanting a wider range of experience again. I remember the first beer I had after all those years. It was late afternoon in Puerto Viejo, Costa Rica, at a roadside bar near the sea. The sun was starting to drop. There was wind, music, and this warm sense of being here and alive. Maybe it was the moment more than the drink, but it felt like permission to relax after years of tightening every screw in my life.

Things shifted again. My marriage of nearly twenty years ended. I spent several months living alone on a mountaintop in Costa Rica. Quiet days. Long nights. I would find myself dancing slowly around my living room with sad music playing and nothing outside but the sound of insects. If you have ever lived alone in nature, the silence can press in on you if you aren’t in the right mindset. Alcohol became the thing I reached for on those nights. Not for fun, but for company.

It did not hurt my work or relationships in any visible way. But internally I was not always steady. Over time, I started asking a different set of questions. Was I drinking from connection or from loneliness? Joy or avoidance?

Freedom or habit?

Life stabilized again. I moved to Brazil. Carolina and I enjoy wine together now and then. I will have a cold chopp on a hot day. Things are calmer. But the question has not gone away. It has changed shape.

What if I went into another season without alcohol? Would my energy rise? Would my sleep improve? Would my creative work sharpen? And the one that feels biggest for me right now: Would I have more of myself available for the work I feel called to do next?

That is the part that matters most to me. I am continuing to step into work that asks more of me. More steadiness, more presence, more clarity. So I am asking whether drinking, even casually, trims some part of my expression.

Even naming this made me take pause. There is a part of me that felt scared to share some of these stories, thinking they might make others perceive me as less credible. But this is part of being human, and pretending otherwise, or like I’ve got all the answers feels way worse to me.

This all came up again recently because I have been supporting our client,

Josh Woll

, in building his business, The Sober Creative. This has made me think about my own choices. Before your mind jumps there, yes, he is a client, but that is not the ONLY reason I am writing this. Yes - I want to support him, AND this is a really important conversation for anyone who desires for more creative expression and expansion to be part of.

Working alongside Josh has made me wonder whether I want to explore another season without alcohol. Not out of shame, but out of curiosity. There is a version of myself I have not met yet. I have felt glimpses of him in past stretches without drinking.

And I also feel the opportunity to deepen into my own spiritual practices in a way that doesn’t quite feel accessible when drinking is a regular part of my days and weeks.

Josh just opened enrollment for The Sober Creative Reset, a 31-day alcohol free challenge for people who want clearer mornings, steadier focus, and stronger creative output.

It is simple, straightforward, and thoughtful.

Inside, you get:

• Daily prompts for all 31 days
• Weekly group calls
• A WhatsApp community
• An Alcohol and Creativity tracker
• A closing reflection at the end

Early bird is 29 dollars until December 16th. Regular price is 49 dollars.

And one more thing. Josh gave us five coupon codes that bring the price down to zero. Free spots. Once those are gone, the pre-sale price is still only 29 dollars, so it is a good time to jump in if this is calling you.

https://reset.thesobercreative.com

Use the coupon code SGCRESET to join for free. If the code is still valid, it means it’s still active. Otherwise it’s $29 :)

Carolina and I are joining, not only as a gesture of support, but because we are genuinely curious about what we might notice over a month without drinking.

I am not committing to never drink again. I want to take a clean look at my relationship with alcohol and see what rises from that space. I do not know exactly what I will find, but that is the point.

If any part of this stirred something in you, you are welcome to join us. No pressure. Just a chance to look at your own patterns with clear eyes and see what might be waiting on the other side.

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